13 Articles of No Faith
1. We believe in Aunt Clara, the eternal pursuer of our genealogy, in the tradition that allows us to "let Aunt Clara do it" and in her persistence in supplying us with xerox copies of all her work.
2. We believe that man will be excused from their own genealogy, if they are earning a living, or are just too busy.
3. We hope that through the temple attendance of others, all mankind may be saved.
4. We believe that the first principles of genealogy work are: First, faith that someone else will do it; Second, repentance through maintained ignorance; Third, baptism by immersion in so many other things that we don't have time to do anything; Fourth, the laying on of excuses for the gift of self-justification.
5. We believe that a man must be born a genealogist, or he will never have the ability to perform the functions of record-keeping, or any research thereof.
6. We believe in following the same organization that existed before the correlation program; namely, don't try to improve the system, don't take any training courses, don't form a family organization, etc.
7. We believe in the gift of time -- time for TV, time for clubs, time for movies, etc.
8. We believe the handbook of genealogy and temple work to be the work of the Church as far as it is translated correctly. We also have our doubts about the genealogy lesson manuals.
9. We believe nothing that the ward committee for genealogy has revealed and we doubt that it will yet reveal any great or important things that we do not already know.
10. We believe in the literal gathering of names out of library books only, and that pedigrees can be built upon this theoretical foundation that all our pedigree sheets will be renewed automatically to paradisiacal correctness.
11. We claim the privilege of interpreting all family traditions and printed histories to suit our own convenience, and we allow all men the same privilege...let them assume who, where or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to discouragement, lack of confidence, and busy schedules and ignoring, resisting or withstanding the law.
13. We believe in being lazy, and in not supporting genealogy work (which would result in good to all men), indeed we may say that we follow the lines of least resistance; we hope all things, but we do nothing, we have not endured anything and we do not expect to be able to endure anything; if there is any approved way to get out of these responsibilities, we seek after these things.