Jokes

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Be Smart, Don't Start

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St.Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabby."

St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "Here we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed."


A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

"What denomination?" asked the clerk.

"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."


After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."


An LDS child needed to bring an old shirt from home for a school project about drug prevention. The mother was busy and handed her child an old T-shirt without examining it. Later, she was appalled to see her child wearing the T-shirt through the mall.

On the front it said: "A Family is Forever."
On the back: "Be Smart, Don't Start."


There was this good 'ole barber in a city somewhere in the US. One day a florist walks in for a haircut. After the barber finishes with the cut, the florist goes to pay. The barber says, "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service." Happy, the florist walks out.

The next morning when the barber comes to work, he finds a thank-you card and a dozen roses.

A few days later a police officer goes to the same barber to get a haircut. After the cut, the police officer goes to pay and the barber says," I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service." Happy, the police officer leaves.

The next morning, the barber comes to work and finds a thank-you card and a dozen donuts.

A few days later a Morman missionary comes in for a haircut. After the cut, the missionary tries to pay for the cut and the barber replies, "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service."

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds?

......A dozen missionaries waiting for a free haircut.